So I haven't posted since Thanksgiving and I'm guessing it is because I felt better. Then Christmastime got here and BAM! Anxiety, Depression, feeling like I would just like to sleep for a week and all of this happy happy joy joy time would go away. Why does my brain tell me to be this way? As I sit here and watch this MU bragging rights game I think to myself, I wish had bragging rights, bragging rights to say Christmas is here and I'm excited! But that would be a fantasy!
I know that tomorrow will just be worse. Christmas Eve, a time of excitement and family time and joy and food and presents. But not me! I just want it to be done! My mom use to tell me that she didn't like Christmas. I always wondered why she thought this, how could anyone dislike Christmas. But now I know. I wish I could explain it, but I can't. Maybe its the disease, or maybe its just me, I wish I knew but I don't.
So I think about going to sleep and wish I would wake up and it would be December 26th! I love the meaning of Christmas, I love the look in my children's eyes when they open their presents but thats it. SO heres to hoping for a fast Christmas and sleep!
